Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Home Alone

Husband has gone to listen to Wittle and Matthew play in their band tonight. I am not feeling so well, so I am staying home.

I don't mind staying home too much, I do like time by myself.

Tonight I am watching a stupid movie, and trying to relax.

Gee, I really sound pathetic don't I?

Sunday, August 23, 2009


i am feeling really sick at the moment, which isn't good.
Husband has to work lots.
I am just over it all

Saturday, August 22, 2009

The Gamer's "Widow"

The Gamer's "Widow"
That's right Gamer's Girls, there's a whole other type of fem dating gamers. They are called Gamer's "Widow." No it's not a cool title with an awesome, bad ass spider reference. Unfortunately, it's not a title girls hope to have, yet there are a lot of Gamer's Widows (GW) out there. A GW is a product of a broken relationship brought on, in one way or another, by a game. Gamer's Girls (GG) know all to well how there relationship sometimes teeters and are at risk of becoming a GW. The overwhelming hours on a game can cause strain in any relationship, no matter how strong. A successful relationship with a gamer takes balance, respect, and understanding by both parties involved. Sometimes however, even the best GG can't break the spell it has on some gamers. And I'm not just talking about the infamous widower, World of Warcraft. Consul games and table top games can be just as addicting and cause just as many problems. They're simply a different poison.

Is it possible for a GG to avoid becoming a GW? Or is it inevitable in certain gamer relationships? First of all, we can't blame the game itself for widowing. After all, they're just pixels being pushed across a screen. In order to prevent or recognize an inevitable widowing, it's important to know the signs of it taking place in a gamer relationship and know who in the relationship is causing the widowing (SURPRISE - it's not always the gamer).

How do you know a widowing is on the horizon? It's different in every relationship and often times it's unique to that couples personal history and personality. So it's impossible to generalize all of the signs. There are, however, some repeat behaviors that you can use as a compass to gauge if your heading in that direction. Tedious game play with no time spent with your partner, constant arguing over time management and life style choices, resentment towards the game he is playing, gamer isolation from non "in game" friends and family, bickering over finance issues stemmed from purchases made to play the game, sacrificing job security in order to play the game, and avoidance of the other person due to an impending argument regarding game play. Again these are just a few recurring problems found in gamer relationships on the verge of ending.

There's only two people who can cause gamer widowing. The Gamer and the Gamer's Girl. As much as we want to blame a hunk of electronics on a desk, it is in fact based on the individuals. And as much as we want to blame the Gamer, often times it's the Gamer's Girl! I see it all the time. A girl will enter into a relationship with a gamer not knowing what they're getting themselves into or the commitment their making (or lack there of). They're mind is set on being able to change him to fit their needs. After all "it's just a game, right?" Wrong. It is true that gamers will adapt to their partner so both parties are happy, however gaming is a huge part of a gamer's character and personality - to try and remove it or alter it to make only you happy is just silly and a set up for relationship failure. These future GW stay in a doomed relationship only to constantly nag their gamer in a relentless battle of lifestyle choices. They're not looking to compromise, they're looking to be right. To them they view the game as "non productive time," thus they consider it "free time." When they don't see their gamer willing to spend all their "free time" with them, they figure there's something wrong with the guy. They don't see it as a hobby. Which is understandable b/c they can't physically tough the end result. It's not like building model airplanes or going fishing. Those tangible hobbies are easier to digest. As a GG, we realize that gaming is a hobby, a time for him to relax, or simply put: his "me" time. Most future GW try to "be right" by pointingout the hours spent on a game. They see him spending 2-4 hours on a game they don't see the point to. Well, if you want to be technical and go by hours, how about all the "me" time we spend on ourselves? The gamer never questions us when we need a 4 hour salon/spa day, or spend 6 hours at the mall window shopping, or the desire to have a Sex in the City marathon with the girls all day on Sunday. Gaming for gamer's fulfills for them what all those "girly" things fulfills for us.

Sorry Gamers, sometimes gamer widowing comes from your end too. Your Gamer Girl DOES deserve your time and attention! She is not a lower level character you can set aside and choose when and for how long you want to level her up. Gamers, often times, play a leading role in creating a GW. This usually comes from them not being about to identify the difference between "relationship time" and "hobby time." The GG being in the same room as their Gamer while he plays a game and she piddles around waiting IS NOT relationship time. "Relationship time" should be spend engaged in each other. Whether that's having a discussion over dinner or reading comics together at Barnes and Noble - the time spent is focused on each other and not outside sources. Relationships are about balance and give and take. A Gamer can't take away all "relationship time" and substitute it for "hobby time." Just like a GG can't take away all "hobby" time for "relationship" time. Most Gamers that cause gamer widowing over look this simple formula.

Small tips to help gently resolve or prevent gamer widowing:

- Set a date night! It's much easier to be engaged with only each other when you're out of the house. Having a simple date night at least once a week makes a big difference. You can take turns deciding on what you will do on your date night so both parties participate in meaningful activities for the other person. (remember, she did learn to play Halo for you... I think you can manage a pottery class or a museum every once and a while)
- Be honest about your timing. There are times where GG do need their gamer's attention for a moment and have to interrupt their game play. Most of the time the Gamer will either completely ignore them without making a sound or give a negative response to show their annoyance. GGs deserve more then that. They make you food, keep things tighty, give you love, and sometimes do your laundry. If you can't pause the game right then and there, at least give her a real time estimate of when you can be mentally available - and then STICK TO IT. Don't say "in a minute" if you don't mean "in a minute." It's ok to say "I'll have this boss beat in approx 12 minutes and then we can chat." Be respectful. Formulate full sentences and look her in the eye, when you can. GGs know all to well that infamous "gamer minute." One minute can mean fifteen. GGs appreciate when their Gamer polightly gives them an honest estimate they stick to. That way they don't feel like you think of them as a pest.
- Prioritize your arrival from work. GGs know you've had a long day and you want to hop on your game right away. Try to resist that urge and give her at least 30 minutes. Have a seat, relax, chit chat. It wont hurt. She'll be more willing to let you be if you do.

Friday, August 21, 2009


Facebook is both really good and really pathetic.

Really good because that I can catch up with friends and aquaintances.

Really bad because I have no idea what people can stay on there all day for.

Social networking sites are great for many reasons, but bad for at least as many reasons. I can only hope that Facebooking or Twittering etc does not ultimately replace face-to-face contact, because so much is lost if we cannot keep in contact unless it is "online"


I really don't see the point of alcohol, it has absolutely no appeal for me at all. Husband enjoys a drink every now and then, but for me, it has no appeal.

I don't like the taste, or he it makes me feel (like poison would... or at least that it what I think it feels like).

But I know that people do enjoy it. I don't mind for people around me to drink (but not get drunk). Except for one person, a friend who is a recovering alcoholic. He has started drinking socially again, but excessively or feeding his addiction as far as I can tell. I pray that he does not fall back into his old ways. I trust him, but I am still nervous that he will suffer for restarting the drinking.

I was thinking this today as I was cleaning out our cupboards, we have all of 3 bottles of wine, and one of a liqueur. We are taking the "sparking white" for a Father's day celebration and we still have more alcohol than we will use in 2 years.... oh well, just a thought

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me sometimes, and I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before.
Her voide. Her bright body. Her inifinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my sould is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Pablo Neruda

Monday, August 17, 2009


I hate having to keep secrets, especially from people I love.

Sarah was just over, and I am tired, so yeah I wasn't in the most communicative mood, but because I had a secret, it made my communication worse.

I really need sleep....

Sunday, August 16, 2009


Yay, my blueberry bush is now growing flowers!

Saturday, August 15, 2009


Walking is good exercise.

It is convenient too. I walk all day at work, so I have taken to wearing a pedometer to ensure that I am getting plenty of exercise.

I walk around 17,000 steps each day at work, which is good. There are many scientific studies to confirm the health benefits. Such as

My doctor tells me that I need to make sure that I exercise. But I really feel apathetic about pretty much everything, it is really hard to feel like exercising. So I ensure that I walk a lot during the day, and try to exercise when I can.

So here is to more exercise and hopefully... more endorphins caused by exercise.

Friday, August 14, 2009

The funny way life works

Why can teenagers get pregnant after having sex a couple of times but it is taking me ages, well over a year to get pregnant?

Ah well, it's just the funny way life works.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Audio Books

At the moment I am really enjoying audio books. My depression is making it hard for me to be able to read, my attention span is getting smaller and smaller.

So at the moment I like audio books because I can fiddle with my hands and do housework while "reading".

I am listening to a lot of Lori Wick and other Christian romance books, because my brain isn't coping with thinking much.

So it is definately wonderful to listen to audio books, I enjoy it much more than music.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

At the moment I am really achy, my uterus is being annoying. I never get achy before my period, and I have taken a pregnancy test and it was negative... so I have absolutely no idea why.

Sorry I just had to whinge at someone....

Monday, August 10, 2009

Gaming Widow

Yes, I admit, I am a gaming widow.

Husband is a gamer, and makes video games for his job. It is not unusual for Husband to play for at least 8 hours on the weekend and at least 2 hours every night.

So that means that I am learning lots about games by default.

At the moment, Husband is playing Dead Space which is a rather gory game, but you get that. He plays a lot of games that I would rather he didn't due to the body count, but I have found that I need to trust him.

I am not his mother, to dictate to him what he should or should not watch/play. I am his wife. If I say that I really object to something he listens (which is why he didn't get Dead Space when it was a new release.

But being married is a compromise, and I have found by not acting like a mother to Husband, I have his respect and we can work out any disagreements about appropriate games.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The BBC believes most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up?

1) Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read.
I'm too lazy to do the rest :p

1b) put an "x-" next to the ones you've started but not finished.
2) Add a '+' to the ones you LOVE.
3) Star (*) those you plan on reading.
4) Tally your total at the bottom.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen x
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien x
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte x
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling x
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee x
6 The Bible x
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte x
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott x
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy x
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller x
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (well, a lot of them, does that count?)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien x
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger x ( I really hated this book)
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot x
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell x
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald x
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy x
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams x
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky X
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck x
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy x
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis x
34 Emma - Jane Austen x
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen x
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis x
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden x
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne x
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell x
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown x
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irvin
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery x
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding x
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen x
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley x
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez x
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas x (only about a million times, do I get extra points for that?)
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding x
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker x
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett x
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce x
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray x
80 Possession - AS Byatt x
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens x
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker x
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert x
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle x
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton x
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad x
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery x
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas x
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare x
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo x

Total read in full: 51 (I forgot Crime and Punishment) :/

Sunday, August 2, 2009

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)”

Saturday, August 1, 2009

What I am watching right now

At the moment I am watching Jane Eyre.

It is a mini series by the BBC, and it is the closest Jane Eyre to the original book. I adore Toby Stephens as Mr Rochester, and Ruth Wilson as Jane Eyre. It is a very good adaptation. I do adore the original book, I have read it so many times, and enjoy it not only because of the characters, but also because of the theology in it.

Jane Eyre leaves the man she loves when she discovers he is already married, albiet to a "lunatic" who tries to kill him. Many characters, and people would reach for happiness and run away with Mr Rochester and live in sin. But, as Jane herself points out, is wrong, God says that adultery is wrong. No matter what the world says, it can never be right to do so.

So Jane runs away from temptation, and eventually, does come to happiness after Mr Rochester's wife dies. But I love Jane's faith all through the book, not just in regards to Mr Rochester, her steadfast faith makes her character richer and more vibrant than it would be otherwise.

But I do enjoy the story too.

Husband doesn't like it, mainly because he does not wish to watch it. :)